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My baby isn’t a baby any more!

Actually double it… but the past few days I have been overwelmed with how grown up my Juliet is. I wouldn’t say it happened in a blink, for the past 4 years are filled with wonderful memories and plenty of those moments that say, when will this ever end! But the change is incredible. Her hair is long, her eyes wide and her face is that of a beautifully confident GIRL, looking for the next big discovery. With Jules in school now, my focus has shifted more to Layla during the day, so when I saw the change, it shook me a little. It’s so strange to see your daughter, but not fully recognize her. I’m really excited about this next phase, to see what we will pioneer thru together, what she will grow to love, who she will bond with.

My Layla Beth is growing so wonderfully too. What a beauty she is. She has the fairness and delicacy of her Aunt Jessie’s face, but the ironic thing is that she looks very little like what I’ve seen of Jessie’s baby photos. She is quirky and comical and while she considers every little move made by her older sister, she is enjoying developing her own independent stance.

I am amazed at God’s goodness to us. Well, not that I’m surprised, of course he’s so good! But my girls are the healthiest kids I’ve ever met. I don’t think we’ve picked up one sickness from school yet. And they are so quick to learn, and when I ask God to, he even helps them to obey their crazy mommy.

So now the question remains. Throw another one into the pile?

I love just having two. I am very content with it. But fear gets to me. I fear missing out on the blessing of another daughter, or even more, the chance to have a son.
But then I fear the diaper and formula bills. And I fear losing my sanity over the lack of quiet time. I fear being fat. I hate being a size 14. And the fear that once I get pregnant, I won’t want it any more, and will feel miserable.
And then I ask, where is my faith? I know that this is my spiritual gift, and why is it so lacking here? I know that if we decide to have another baby, there is no way that God will leave us wanting for anything. And I know that if we decide to just stick with the two, God will bless us through those two more than we could ever imagine.

One comment to “Thoughts on Ballinger Offspring”

  1. Denese

    Isn’t it amazing how quickly children grow? God has made people such a wonder! From your very first inspection of all your precious baby’s fingers and toes, to watching them discover the ocean for the first time, to watching them stride off to the classroom with all the independence and confidence a four year old can have…to looking into the beautiful face of your daughter who has returned from her honeymoon and is this woman, this indescribable person who has left her childhood behind her like a coat she’s outgrown. Enjoy every moment T. Mothers and children are forever connected in the most lovely and beautiful way. I watch Craig discover things (the joy of being married to you and the indescribable joy your girls bring him) and I rejoice as deeply as I did when he took his first steps. This adventure of motherhood stretches us as women beyond all our limits and nothing could ever make us happier! I love you. Yo’ other mama xoxo


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