My dining room is looking so nice :o) Ok, it’s not anything fancy nor am I done yet (thus explaining the lack of photos available to you) but it’s fresh and different and I feel like I have accomplished something… woot!

Last night was the first time in a long time I felt good. I went to bed not dreading the 6:15 alarm (not that I’m embracing it!) and right now, in the middle of what was my “low” time of day, I feel almost relaxed and light. Still tired, but not as confused or anxious. The dogs are barking, dinner needs making, kids are bouncing, but I am finding it much easier to just let it go. I’m a week into the new vitamins,  so I’m guessing they are finally effecting my system. And thank God, they are helping!

It’s scary to be in that place. I know what I am experiencing is very mild compared to other people’s depression. But to have those thoughts and feelings hammering at your head so constantly is just terrible. I’ve been through other seasons similar to this, like after the girls were born, and I’m very thankful to not only be more aware of what is going on in my head (because at that time I had no clue and was utterly ashamed), but to know when I have to speak up to get help. That isn’t something I knew how to do before.

When I go through rough times God always seems to give me a singular verse or song to fixate on, to verbalize, to own. For a long time it was You are my All in All. Then it was Psalm 116:7 Be at rest, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. And lately it has been the song Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman (I think!) So yeah… I like that. It’s like the calming picture they stick on the ceiling of the labor and delivery room. Only this stuff is for real :o)

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