Hebrews 11:13-16 They admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefor God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

Another small piece of the puzzled clicked into place this morning as my Bible opened to Hebrews. “strangers on earth”… “longing for a better country…”

So much of this American life has had me feeling so twisty and frustrated inside lately as I struggle to find balance, as I am pulled from one side to another. How is it I can find enjoyment and fun in watching Food Network one moment and then the next be completely disgusted with this obsession, this worship of food that is being flooded into my home as babies starve elsewhere? I find myself constantly refuting the lies of consumerism, spend so you can save, this will bring you peace and joy and confidence, you work hard and deserve this. I found myself looking around my home and asking- do I own things that I would immediately replace if they were stolen? If I do, am I ruled by them? I paint my nails, think about creating beautiful clothing for me and my children with soft, vibrant cotton and wonder how I can possibly cut back the budget to live more generously? I almost feel like comfort is uncomfortable.

I sometimes find myself creating an image of a simple life, but is that the simple life that God has for me? I know I am exactly where God wants me- of this I have no doubt and am truly thankful- how is it that in my endeavor to live simply, purely, intentionally I still feel rather of place in my circumstance? I read a line of a book “Contemplative simplicity isn’t a matter of circumstances; it’s a matter of focus.”

Because this is not my home. Because “he has set eternity in the hearts of men.” Because as I leave the old land behind, step by step, I become less and less a citizen, even if I’m not to enter the new city yet.

So, one little piece in the puzzle of a million pieces. Have I mentioned that the pieces aren’t even in the same box? Gotta find them first ♥

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