More than half way… tomorrow will mark 22 weeks on the baby train. I’m so thankful that life has slowed down. I’m thankful I am feeling well. I’m thankful that baby is uber healthy. It’s a quiet moment, a deep breath.

I am having trouble remembering being pregnant with my girls. I even have trouble remembering them being tiny. How can that be? It wasn’t that long ago. Sometimes I get a pit in my stomach trying to remember.  While I can recall sweet moments, mostly what comes flashing back are moments of intense despair and frustration. Of tears, hers and mine. Of feeling helpless and alone. I remember feeling this way for a long time.

Looking back, I think a large part was my youth and my mental state. I was far too confident and determined to do things my way. I can see some deep veins of depression running through those formative years. I know I wasn’t alone, but I also don’t think my sweet hubby, we were both so young, just didn’t know what to do with me. I was so desperate to have control over something that I probably didn’t leave much room for him.

I am so thankful for the growth and the maturity that has come to our family in the past few years (not to say we are completely mature- have I mentioned the nerf guns?). To go from babies having babies to grownups. While I know that depression isn’t erased and there will be moments of intense frustration once again, I am so thankful for grace and the gift of Baby #3. God has redeemed and blessed the mistakes I made with Babies 1 & 2, and I think I see 3 as a new beginning. A second chance. A new life.

I can’t believe I am saying this but I am actually enjoying being pregnant! Yes, the first few months were really rough and sickly, and I still really miss my brain and nothing fits right, but I am really loving this. And I am loving my family loving this. Craig gives me amused looks out of the corner of his eye and the girls give me belly rubs and try to make noises (cars and airplanes) they think their baby brother will like to hear.

It’s good… an now I’m hungry again.

Ephesians 3:20
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

2 comments to “Immeasurably more…”

  1. Tiffany

    I love this. I love hearing what God is teaching you. So many times He teaches the body through the body, we just have to be willing to be open, to share, to be vulnerable, and expose it. So thank you. Isn’t it amazing the kind of God we worship and serve and live for? He is a REDEEMER. He just pours out His grace on parts of our life that we sometimes do not even realize. This little “Baxter” (cannot help myself until you give me another name hee, hee) is going to do great and mighty things for God. I am praying that over him. What joy he has already brought to your little family!

  2. Candi

    Theresa, I know those feelings! I look back now and feel I missed so much of my older boys baby days, with Wyatt it was depression and frustration, with Gradey it was just craziness and busy with two boys so close together. But Levi is different, while we are still busy and life is crazy, I have learned to relax, enjoy, drink in his babyness and forget about stuff that doesn’t matter as much (ex. cleaning the house to spic and span) I wish now that I had enjoyed my days at home with my older boys more but I am just loving Levi’s baby times now and am not looking forward to him turning a year old soon, it went way to fast, but I don’t have a regret!


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