I think the hardest part about waiting is letting go of the notion that this happening is dependent on my performance.

I haven’t walked enough or eaten the right foods to prepare my body.
I need to learn something first.
I must still have unfinished business on my to-do list that I didn’t realize.

As I was going through all those long tests at the hospital yesterday and the possibility of induction and a doctor in my practice who I am still slightly uncomfortable with loomed over me, I was continually focusing my mind back to “I will trust in God, not in man.” I like how the New Living Translation puts it in Ps. 146:3

“Don’t put your confidence in powerful people; there is no help for you there.”

He was my comfort and my strength and praise the Lord, the news was all fantastic and we can avoid induction for the mean time. But it was a blessing to get to the point where my fear of induction and csection and doctors and tests were removed. At least until the next moment where I have to make that choice.

But here is where it comes full circle. Here is where I stand in my own way. While I can continue to do things that are good for me and to respond to my body, I cannot bring this about. There is no magical formula. So why don’t I just trust God to bring this boy when it is meant to happen instead of wracking my brain to figure out what I can do in my own strength and power? Perhaps it won’t be the way I desire- and that is ok. Perhaps I will have the scary (I over dramatize) doctor- and that’s ok. There is freedom in letting go. I have so much to learn.


Leave a comment