I try not to have expectations. And if I do, they typically lean towards the negative. I would rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed thus shaping my outlook on life. Not saying this is right, just how I work.

But I never, ever expected to be closing myself in the bathroom for a sob at noon on day TWO of homeschooling. Baby crying, me feeling completely inadequate. I could not believe the weariness and frustration that had taken over. The feeling of failure overwhelmed me. I expected to hit a point like this in a few weeks, but not this soon.

I felt smelly and exhausted. I missed my shower this morning because I opted to sleep a little extra while because Nate was up twice in the middle of the night. I was overwhelmed because poor Juliet started the day missing her friends and I had no immediate answers for her. Nate is growing again and decided to revert back to eating like a 6 week old. I felt sorry for myself because what I saw in the mirror was pale and frumpy. Dishes and laundry and bathrooms to scrub. Dogs barking, kids poking, baby crying, head spinning.

I must be doing something right if Satan is bringing me lies of failure so soon.

So the truth of today is:

This is a transition time. Juliet will have lots of time with friends, but it’s ok if we’re having a quiet time to settle in at home. This is a big change and she will have a mourning period for her “old life.”

Nate will not always be going through a growth spurt. This is why he’s eating a lot and fussy. In another month he will eat solid food which will keep him fuller for even longer. This will help him sleep. And then I can sleep.

I’m pale because I haven’t stopped to eat and drink anything except for coffee since breakfast early this morning.  I’m frumpy because I missed my shower and am putting my attention elsewhere besides what I see in the mirror. And this is ok for this moment. Something has to give and my kids won’t learn better with me wearing makeup.

Dishes and laundry and grimy bathrooms will keep.

Dogs and kids and baby make noise. It’s ok.

Slow down to stop the spinning. Take a deep breath and concentrate on one thing. And don’t forget to eat lunch.

And finally. His grace is enough. His Spirit is powerful within me. Truth.


7 comments to “Unexpected”

  1. Rebecca

    You got this.

  2. Lisa

    Hang in there! You’re definitely on the right track. One thing at a time. Eat. Breathe. Pray. Not particularly in that order. Hold fast to truth.

  3. Kate

    Life never gives you what you can’t handle!!
    Love you
    Cousin Kate

  4. Julie Hunt

    Thank you for sharing your moment with us…just think you already got it out of the way YES! We have all been there so glad you were able to think of the right things after the cry..God is good lean into him!

  5. Your Mum

    I am so glad you shared what you are going through. I am so thankful you are seeing the truth of your situation. Yes, our God’s grace is sufficient for each day and he will see each of you through. I’ve been praying and will continue. You are dearly loved.

  6. Denese

    Yay for you, T! Going for the truth. His Spirit is powerful in you. It’s important to acknowledge what you’re feeling though, so another cheer! You are such an amazing young woman, so full of love and gifts…God’s got good plans for you all in this. He will always meet you in the midst. Your responses and realizations today were spot on. You go, girl. Sending love and hugs and prayers <3

  7. anne crozier

    Transitions are always hard. At least for me. I´m a little weepy this morning trying to get ready for big kids to leave and other kids to go back to school. And your writing is beautiful and real.


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