10230651A~Fox-Mulder-Dana-Scully-Posters.jpgThis morning I dreamed I was the love child of Mulder and Scully. Yes, from X-Files. At least I assumed they were my parents as I kept calling them Mom and Dad in the dream. I mean the whole thing started simple enough. The guy who lived in the apartment behind me was having either a heart attack or a stroke, so I called 911, who then transfered me to the local PD for questioning, all over the phone. After they determined that no, I had not in fact caused the condition in question, I was free to make any other phone call that I wanted. Well, I peaked out the back window and saw that the guy was fine and that his 8 year old grandson had shown up to fly a kite with him. So I decided to call Craig and see if he wanted to make out in the basement.

Willy_Wonka_stor_173323c.jpgI picked up a really weird phone. Lots of buttons, all very shiny. And the phone was only to dial out. It couldn’t receive any incoming calls. So I knew that I had to get Craig on the phone right now. So I called his home number, and the tones from dialing played out the theme tune from Tim Burton’s Willy Wonka song. But it was his phone number, the one I dialed for years so I let it ring and ring and ring, and Dave and Denese finally picked up. Simultaneously none the less. So I talked to Dave about the landscaping I wanted to do in the front yard while in the background I could hear Denese yelling down the stairs into the basement for Craig to come up. And then suddenly I was there and telling her that I would just go down and find him.

CountryClubFountain(400).JPGSo down I go and land on the green of the 9th hole at some big fancy country club, with Mulder and Scully, just chillin’, waiting for me. I mean, Mom and Dad. Although there was another baby. A really big baby, actually. He or she was going to the nursery in the country club and we had to get down to business. So I told Craigy that I would call him again when I was finished on the golf course. We could make out then.

harmony688-1.jpgSuddenly, we were being chased! Me, Mulder and Scully that is. The baby was safe in the nursery and Craig was on his computer. Guns blazing, runny helter skelter, we ended up in front of a really old mansion. So finally I figure out that we’re being chased by a family. There’s a mom, dad, son and daughter. The son is pretty much stoned and the daughter has been turned into some sort of cyborg thingy that is controlled by a remote by her father. Her mom and Scully are wrestling in the bushes. But somehow, the daughter gets a hold of her own remote control and starts telling her self to come after me with all these wierd stop motion animation Kung Fu moves. (I don’t like stop motion.) So being pretty freaked out by this chick, I high tail it into the mansion, thinking if I could just get my hands on that remote I could stop her!

40502.jpgTerminator girl is surprisingly fast though and everytime I try to slam a door to cut her off, she sticks her first 2 fingers in at just the last moment, and they don’t break! Suddenly we reach the basement! And I slam and deadbolt the door at just the last second! (I don’t know why there is a deadbolt on the inside of the basement door.) So I run down a lot, a lot of steps searching for somewhere to hide and finally decide, oh, I’ll just walk out this side door. I know it’s safe because I can here the psycho chick banging on the door up above.

up-shaun_of_the_dead.jpgSo I step outside. Mom and Dad, aka Mulder and Scully, are just chilling with a couple beers and the enemy parental units. I have the remote and find the stop button and hit it right as she’s flying through the air to jump on my head. I think she’s still frozen mid flight, even in my subconcious. Anyways, all of a sudden, a mini van on fire comes flying over the country club’s fountain, headed right towards us! Oh, and it’s driven by their stoned son. But then we remember, the baby! So everyone runs to the nursery, trying to get the baby before the van lands, but the freakishly large baby is hungry again, and the only thing anyone can find is some dog food, which actually was found by the guy who plays Shaun’s step dad in Shaun of the Dead. He wasn’t looking so good either. So we fed the dog food to the baby, ran for our lives out of the country club into Suburbia, and I put a call into Craig from the magic remote.

Then I woke up. Then Tempy jumped on my head

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