I don’t play well with others. Well, I guess better said, I am not a team player. Or something along those lines.

When I was a kid I liked playing with my friends one on one. When more people were added to the dynamic, things changed. There were inside jokes I didn’t get, talk of TV shows I didn’t watch, boys I didn’t know or care about, and the routine that I was comfortable with was altered. Thus resulting me withdrawing and seeking out another one on one.

Today I was the Momma watching her poor sweet little Layla be the odd man out. I don’t know if mine or Layla’s feelings were more hurt as we talked about it later on. I suppose this will happen more and more as the girls get older, especially since they are so close in age. But that little 4 year old didn’ t have to be so rotten about it! How dare she tell my precious butterfly chasing smushy that she doesn’t want to sit next to her or play with her!

I know I am more than biased when I think about how very wonderful my younger daughter is, and it’s something I deal with daily as I referee her with older, more independent, strong willed Juliet. Jules has such an air of confidence and showmanship with her every maneuver while Layla takes a much more passive approach to life. Layla seems to depend on me more while Juliet is usually pushing me out of her way.

But that third wheel! She just adored Juliet and her dramatic energy(of course!) and was unwilling to give Layla the time of day. So I’m plopped on the couch, chilling, reflecting, praying. Of course I want to protect my girls from ever feeling so very low. But dear God, I just can’t! Letting go as they walk through the world interacting with others may end up being the hardest thing yet for me. I already feel my stomach knotting up when I think of Juliet being gone at first grade all day. On the bus, in the lunch room, gym class. That protective bubble I’ve established is becoming (and must become) thinner and thinner.

picture-055-copy

Dear Lord, you love these girls even more than I do. You know them better than I do. You know everyday of their life and you are faithful to keep your hand on them. Help me to seek you for guidance as I prepare them for the world. Lead me to trust you and constantly lay them at your feet as you are the one who will protect them and guard their little hearts. You have entrusted me with these precious gems and I don’t want to fail you, Father.

*UPDATE 3:30PM*

Layla’s fish is going to die today. This will have to go down as her worse day ever :o(


3 comments to “Protect and Prepare”

  1. jessie

    ” I prayed to the Lord and He answered me, He freed my from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
    It is cool to remember that God CHOSE you to be Julie and Layla’s mommy. And He will give you strength and peace everyday for whatever situation you are in. Easier heard than accepted, I know. I love the verse that says
    ” My strength is made perfect in your weakness.” Don’t you find complete peace in knowing that?

    You are a wonderful mommy!

  2. Denese

    Ah, my sweet, “other daughter”, these are some of those hard things that mommies deal with. I once had a dream I swung around a little girl by her ponytail, she tormented my own dolly so. In my waking hours we prayed for her and cried together.

  3. Tiffany

    Ooh, this tugged at my own Mommy heart. I think it is so hard to see our children struggle, fail, or hurt. How much harder must it be for God to see us go through that? And yet He steps back many times and ALLOWS it. He doesn’t always step in and fix everything. As an adult, I can see it is in those times that my faith is strengthened. But as a mommy, it hurts, alot. And that’s okay. God uses that to stengthen us as well, I do believe.

    I got a suit the other day (finally). And I had to laugh, because I thought of you and your previous blog. I have much of the same body “issues”. Only I wimped out, and I went with a granny skirt - hee, hee. I shall look lovely in my skirted suit with 25 plus college students and their pre-baby bodies hanging around the pool here at camp. *sigh* lol

    Oh, and wow, we must be similar personalities. I could have written your first two paragraphs. :) I have enjoyed getting to know you via blog land. :)


Trackbacks/Pingbacks


Leave a comment